There’s an old concept in science called “the observer effect,” where just observing something changes it. In counseling, there’s the “observer-effect bias.” I think people in treatment can intuitively feel when that’s happening.
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Chapter 5- 30I’ve spent the past week writing my almost-annual Doomsgiving post. I put a lot of work into it, had a bunch of media and cool references. It was 1500 words of a lot of chest-beating and celebration of how Cleanandsoberstoner has done this year. It has been amazing, and I’m so, so fucking grateful for […]
Read More Doomsgiving 2022Thursday, August 21, 1992 It took a moment for me to react to Joe asking me to chair the meeting. I was familiar with meetings, but I didn’t know shit about them. It felt wrong, like I was the last person on the planet who should do it. The look in his eyes was too […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 3. NA/Secretary/Foreshadow of a Memory that Doesn’t Exist YetI left that first AA meeting with something I never had before: phone numbers. I showed David and Robert, and they validated the accomplishment. For most people, it’s probably a very small thing. But for the person struggling with addiction, that kind of trust is reserved for dealers and other connections. Anyone outside of that […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 2: After Meeting/Phone Calls/Navy Memories/Home in NAWe walked over to a line of chairs near the coffee, which I gladly got a cup of. And then another, because I was shaking so strongly it spilled out of my hand. Joe looked at me, nodded, and held the cup for me.
“You’re in the right place, “ he said.
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter One. Week One: Betrayal/ Hallucinations/12-Step Call/You’re in the Right PlaceAll I know for sure is that the alcohol no longer worked, which is a horrifying thing for any addict.
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Prologue, Part 2: The Last Binge30 years of continuous abstinence. Huh…. Back then, I couldn’t wrap my head around that amount of clean time. And it’s a good thing, ‘cause had I known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been able to make it. I believe that with absolute certainty. Recovery and treatment can tend to protect newcomers […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery: IntroductionThe Mothers of Invention: Freak Out!. One of THE greatest, most game-changing albums of all time. Give it a listen some time. I’m not gonna tell you why, or admonish you for not giving it the effort. I’m just putting it out there, man, so you can make your own decision, come up with your […]
Read More It Can’t Happen Here…I want to make this clear and get it out of the way immediately: I am 100% abstinent. I have been 100% abstinent since 1992. I, as an individual in long-term recovery, am more than convinced that I cannot, under any circumstances, consume any psychoactive substance. Doesn’t matter if it is marijuana, alcohol, psychedelics, tranquilizers, […]
Read More California Sober-an opinionI have a diagnosis of PTSD. I don’t agree with the diagnosis, but I have had two highly skilled therapists confirm it. The thing is, I’ve treated members of the armed services and first responders who had true, no kidding PTSD. I feel that my diagnosis somehow belittles theirs, and for that reason and that […]
Read More Yob: Our Raw Heart