This is my story, based on primary sources, mostly my journal, some paperwork, and the calendar. I call it a novel because I remember what happened to James Frey and A Million Little Pieces. I’m also fictionalizing enough to protect other people’s privacy. For instance, when it comes to my wife, the character won’t be anything like my wife.
This will take a while, covering from 1992 to 2022, though it’s too early to tell if it will be one volume or more. Hang with me if you want as i figure out what I’m doing. It’s gonna be rough reading, in the sense that when I post each chapter, it will be a second draft, at best. If this project works out, I’ll re-edit and re-write as needed, but that’s a ways off from now.
Regardless, music was as important as AA/NA, and as far as I’m concerned, more so. AA and NA are wonderful organizations, but the truth is they both vary wildly from meeting to meeting. Still, the are part of my Heavy Recovery. I’m not gonna hold back: the good and the really, really bad will be written down. For every success story, there are dozens that paint a different picture.
But the music, I could always count on. It’s always there with new stuff coming out every day.
I promise that everything I describe in this actually happened. But places/names/dates will be altered, again to protect both the innocent. And the guilty: we deserve a break sometimes, too…
30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Introduction
30 years of continuous abstinence. Huh…. Back then, I couldn’t wrap my head around that amount of clean time. And it’s a good thing, ‘cause had I known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been able to make it. I believe that with absolute certainty. Recovery and treatment can tend to protect newcomers…
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Prologue, 1992. Helmet, Faith No More and passing out at really good concerts
As I keep mentioning, music has been the one consistent, reliable ‘tool’ for me in recovery. I think it had at least something to do with following through with the decision to quit. I keep thinking about what it was, musically, that gave me a push to change things up, and I keep coming…
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Prologue, Part 2: The Last Binge
All I know for sure is that the alcohol no longer worked, which is a horrifying thing for any addict.
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter One. Week One: Betrayal/ Hallucinations/12-Step Call/You’re in the Right Place
We walked over to a line of chairs near the coffee, which I gladly got a cup of. And then another, because I was shaking so strongly it spilled out of my hand. Joe looked at me, nodded, and held the cup for me.
“You’re in the right place, “ he said.
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 2: After Meeting/Phone Calls/Navy Memories/Home in NA
I left that first AA meeting with something I never had before: phone numbers. I showed David and Robert, and they validated the accomplishment. For most people, it’s probably a very small thing. But for the person struggling with addiction, that kind of trust is reserved for dealers and other connections. Anyone outside of that…
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 3. NA/Secretary/Foreshadow of a Memory that Doesn’t Exist Yet
Thursday, August 21, 1992 It took a moment for me to react to Joe asking me to chair the meeting. I was familiar with meetings, but I didn’t know shit about them. It felt wrong, like I was the last person on the planet who should do it. The look in his eyes was too…
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 4: Consequences/Davis/Unexpected call
Chapter 4 Friday, August 22, 1992 5:30 came right on time. It felt horribly, sarcastically early. I thought about calling in, but remembered Craig’s speech about no more chances. I still had a couple of days on the books, but using them this soon was unwise. Besides, there’d be coffee at work. I didn’t drink…
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30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Chapter 5- Thirty
There’s an old concept in science called “the observer effect,” where just observing something changes it. In counseling, there’s the “observer-effect bias.” I think people in treatment can intuitively feel when that’s happening.
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