We Asked A.I. to Create the Ultimate Stoner Metal Album, The Results May Surprise You

This satire article is a collaboration between Slightly Fuzzed and Monster Riff. Welcome to Slightly Riffed: The Fakest News In Stoner Rock!

Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) is starting to make its presence known just about everywhere these days. Kids are using it to write papers for school, publications are using it to write articles, and we see more and more A.I. generated art popping up online—even A.I.-generated music is now starting to rear its head. Slightly Riffed decided to see just how effective this artificial intelligence could be at creating the “ultimate Stoner Metal album.”

I knew this would be no easy task. A.I. has proven itself to be effective at many, many things, but could it create the ultimate Stoner Metal album? As we got started, I knew I was asking a lot of the A.I. In fact, my computer started smoking… No, not like on fire—it literally started smoking… weed… My computer was, in fact, stoned. This would be alarming given any other circumstances, but we are talking about Stoner Metal. Maybe the A.I. was really off to a good start.

Twenty minutes had gone by since we had submitted the prompt when we heard the doorbell. Turns out, my recently stoned computer had also ordered from GrubHub. Taco Bell.

Finally, we had started to see some results. The band name is Cosmic Buffalo Acid Goat. It’s a little on the nose, but who has time for subtlety in Stoner Metal? It covers all the bases.

Next, our first song was completed and we couldn’t wait to dig in. The song, entitled a fitting “Sabbathian Haze,” clocked in at a whopping nine minutes. “This looks promising so far!” I thought to myself. This song, however, was just one riff—one riff for nine minutes. I’m really not sure if this was some sort of glitch or if it was the most genius Stoner Metal song ever created.

The final album contained seven tracks, and I must admit the track titles really show how well the A.I. understands the essence of Stoner Metal. The track-listing was as follows:

1. Hail Mary (Jane)
2. Dank Side of the Moon
3. Sabbathian Haze
4. I’ll See you Inhale
5. Mammoth Lungs
6. Iommic Acid Trip
7. Big Bong Theory

Up to this point, I was fairly impressed by the results. But what would an unsuspecting reviewer think? I reached out to the best reviewer in the scene and asked for his unbiased opinion. Pat Schober, the Editor-in-Chief of Monster Riff, began the review, “Sabbathian, Sabbathian… something something, Sabbathian. What I loved about it was, Sabbathian, Sabbathian, Sabbathian, blah, blah, blah, Sabbathian Sabbathian.” Something like that, I don’t really remember. I never read his reviews.

Anyway, next I wanted to see what kind of album cover would the A.I. be able to come up with for the “ultimate Stoner Metal album.” As we’ve discussed, Stoner Metal has some amazing album covers. This would be a great test of the technology.

Well there you have it. Cosmic Buffalo Acid Goat, seven tracks of Sabbathian proportions… Did A.I. just create the “ultimate Stoner Metal album”? Let us know what you think in the comments!

This article is satire.