Chapter 4 Friday, August 22, 1992 5:30 came right on time. It felt horribly, sarcastically early. I thought about calling in, but remembered Craig’s speech about no more chances. I still had a couple of days on the books, but using them this soon was unwise. Besides, there’d be coffee at work. I didn’t drink […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 4: Consequences/Davis/Unexpected callThursday, August 21, 1992 It took a moment for me to react to Joe asking me to chair the meeting. I was familiar with meetings, but I didn’t know shit about them. It felt wrong, like I was the last person on the planet who should do it. The look in his eyes was too […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 3. NA/Secretary/Foreshadow of a Memory that Doesn’t Exist YetI left that first AA meeting with something I never had before: phone numbers. I showed David and Robert, and they validated the accomplishment. For most people, it’s probably a very small thing. But for the person struggling with addiction, that kind of trust is reserved for dealers and other connections. Anyone outside of that […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 2: After Meeting/Phone Calls/Navy Memories/Home in NADang, I’ve had this site for a while. My original goal was to write a bunch of recovery related stuff and Stoner/Doom reviews. Kinda… I don’t consider myself a reviewer and I don’t mean to be. I mean, listening to x-amount of music to write z-amount of posts: there’s a ton of that out there. […]
Read More Another Quick Update…and thank-you!!!!!!We walked over to a line of chairs near the coffee, which I gladly got a cup of. And then another, because I was shaking so strongly it spilled out of my hand. Joe looked at me, nodded, and held the cup for me.
“You’re in the right place, “ he said.
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter One. Week One: Betrayal/ Hallucinations/12-Step Call/You’re in the Right PlaceAll I know for sure is that the alcohol no longer worked, which is a horrifying thing for any addict.
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Prologue, Part 2: The Last BingeAs I keep mentioning, music has been the one consistent, reliable ‘tool’ for me in recovery. I think it had at least something to do with following through with the decision to quit. I keep thinking about what it was, musically, that gave me a push to change things up, and I keep coming […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Prologue, 1992. Helmet, Faith No More and passing out at really good concerts30 years of continuous abstinence. Huh…. Back then, I couldn’t wrap my head around that amount of clean time. And it’s a good thing, ‘cause had I known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been able to make it. I believe that with absolute certainty. Recovery and treatment can tend to protect newcomers […]
Read More 30 Years of Heavy Recovery: IntroductionI want to make this clear and get it out of the way immediately: I am 100% abstinent. I have been 100% abstinent since 1992. I, as an individual in long-term recovery, am more than convinced that I cannot, under any circumstances, consume any psychoactive substance. Doesn’t matter if it is marijuana, alcohol, psychedelics, tranquilizers, […]
Read More California Sober-an opinionI have a diagnosis of PTSD. I don’t agree with the diagnosis, but I have had two highly skilled therapists confirm it. The thing is, I’ve treated members of the armed services and first responders who had true, no kidding PTSD. I feel that my diagnosis somehow belittles theirs, and for that reason and that […]
Read More Yob: Our Raw Heart