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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 4: Consequences/Davis/Unexpected call

Chapter 4 Friday, August 22, 1992 5:30 came right on time. It felt horribly, sarcastically early. I thought about calling in, but remembered Craig’s speech about no more chances. I still had a couple of days on the books, but using them this soon was unwise. Besides, there’d be coffee at work. I didn’t drink […]

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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 3. NA/Secretary/Foreshadow of a Memory that Doesn’t Exist Yet

Thursday, August 21, 1992 It took a moment for me to react to Joe asking me to chair the meeting. I was familiar with meetings, but I didn’t know shit about them. It felt wrong, like I was the last person on the planet who should do it. The look in his eyes was too […]

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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter 2: After Meeting/Phone Calls/Navy Memories/Home in NA

I left that first AA meeting with something I never had before: phone numbers. I showed David and Robert, and they validated the accomplishment. For most people, it’s probably a very small thing. But for the person struggling with addiction, that kind of trust is reserved for dealers and other connections.  Anyone outside of that […]

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30 Years of Heavy Recovery, Chapter One. Week One: Betrayal/ Hallucinations/12-Step Call/You’re in the Right Place

We walked over to a line of chairs near the coffee, which I gladly got a cup of.  And then another, because I was shaking so strongly it spilled out of my hand.  Joe looked at me, nodded, and held the cup for me.

“You’re in the right place, “ he said.

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30 Years of Heavy Recovery: Prologue, 1992. Helmet, Faith No More and passing out at really good concerts

As I keep mentioning, music has been the one consistent, reliable ‘tool’ for me in recovery. I think it had at least something to do with following through with the decision to quit.   I keep thinking about what it was, musically, that gave me a push to change things up, and I keep coming […]

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California Sober-an opinion

I want to make this clear and get it out of the way immediately: I am 100% abstinent. I have been 100% abstinent since 1992. I, as an individual in long-term recovery, am more than convinced that I cannot, under any circumstances, consume any psychoactive substance. Doesn’t matter if it is marijuana, alcohol, psychedelics, tranquilizers, […]

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Yob: Our Raw Heart

I have a diagnosis of PTSD. I don’t agree with the diagnosis, but I have had two highly skilled therapists confirm it.  The thing is, I’ve treated members of the armed services and first responders who had true, no kidding PTSD.  I feel that my diagnosis somehow belittles theirs, and for that reason and that […]

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